Thorns
by Crystal Sapphire girl
Summary: The diary of Hermione Granger- the secrets finally come out. And maybe she is more fucked up than we can imagine, with illicit love affairs and loads of drama. No magic.


**Author' note- Please forgive the Grammar, English is my second language, which I know is not an excuse. **

**Please review, I don't take offence, I take notes! **

**Thank-you **

Hello, my name is Hermione Granger and this is, well, some might call it a journal, but I would like to refer to it as ' notes for my biography' for when I am all rich and famous but inevitably dead. Now don't peg me down for a pessimist, I don't plan on dying for 30 years or so, you know till I am 50 and on the verge of lunacy. I don't like depending upon anyone, like ever and if I am old and balding then not only would I be unable to help myself physically but I would also lose my mental ability, and a Hermione without brains, is a Hermione without soul, i.e., walking dead, and I just don't do zombie, unless I am craving chocolate, then I go around the house hunting for chocolates, like a zombie hunts for blood, or wait is that a vampire? Dear lord, these fables really confuse me. Vampires, werewolves, witches, wizards, shit-eating monsters, I mean seriously could you be more childish. I know there are times when I sleep with a baseball bat under my pillow, just in case, but that's all precaution. I can't just let some monster destroy my grand plans involving Bermuda triangle and base jumping, now can I? So in the end, the only really good thing about the supernatural is Dean Winchester, the eye candy in leather who goes around hunting that shit down.

So, anyway I wouldn't even be thinking about all this, much less writing if it wasn't for my best friend's girlfriend's obsession with Edward 'sparky' Cullen . Not only did she make ME think about this shit, no way, how can she just stop there, she went and made Ron, the biggest Lord of the Rings freak. Now he goes around his apartment destroying the 9 riders and protecting the ring that in the darkness binds them, speaking freaking elven which is so beyond me. One day, I swear I'll make that Lavender pay for her grotesque crimes. Apart from her sparky obsession, she's an overall sweet person, I guess, a little too cheeky for my taste what with the little hearts on the bathroom mirror, or the 'I love you' cards treasure hunt. My talking to her is kept at a minimal to protect my brain cells but it's still a lot to deal with, what with her mauling me whenever I try to hang out with my two best friends. Ok wait, I should write about my two best friends, shouldn't I? I mean they are rather important in my life, even if they are like a major pain in my butt.

So my Ginger best friend Ron Weasely or Ronald Weasely is a pretty epic guy and he is bloody lame, and says bloody in like every bloody sentence, and he is oddly stupid but I guess his lameass jokes have certain charm to them. He is fiercely loyal, like this one time; I got into a huge fight with the school bully. Yes! I still tend to butt heads with assholes but it's not my fault, they have it coming! So he came to my rescue, like the loser in tin foil that he is which I love ofcourse, and got his head stuck down the toilet, literally. He still hasn't forgiven me for laughing at him after fishing him out but can you blame moi, a boy with his head down a toilet paints pretty funny scenery.

My other best friend has a major hero complex, like when you see a big tattooed guy beating the shit out of a little guy, what do you do? I'll tell you, you run back and call the police, it is known as picking your fights carefully, a concept which is beyond Harry Potter. No, he would run forward and protect the little fellow even if that meant a few broken ribs. Now if he was a big bulky guy with superhuman strength and a mask or cape, I would get his need to protect the weak, but he is not. He's a classic nerd with broken specs and all. So really the constant fixing him up that I have to do gets kind of annoying, but he is my best friend so I do what I gotta do.

Anyway, putting aside these 3 very big and important plus important adjacent parts of my life aside, I am a basically a lawyer for the Marson's Law Firm and I specialize in Corporate Law. Yes, sounds boring, I know and not nearly as hardcore as Criminal Law, but believe me, suckers in suits are pretty scary too. On the record I would like to say, that all the stories about cynical lawyers with a shriveled heart is more hearsay than the truth. We are actually a bunch of charming individuals with a twisted sense of humor and the ability to talk ourselves out of any situation. So you see I am actually pretty cut out to be a lawyer. I am even intelligent at rare moments. Ok Harry and Ron seem to think that I am an intellectual freak, but however awesome yet insulting that sounds, I am not. I am actually a bimbo without the blondness and the hotness, so a dimbo, especially when it comes to relationships. Why else would all my past affairs be a tragic tale with loads of drama and little romance. I don't even know how my relationships end, they just do and very quickly. Sometimes, I feel maybe I am just not good enough to be kept around, or even good enough to be asked for that 'coveted' title.

I'll give you an insight into my long, HAHA, list of love affairs. So at No. 1 is -:

Victor Krum- So basically Krum, yes I no longer refer to him by his first name, frankly it's weird and Victor really? What did you win? The competition of who uses his parents' money better or So you think you can destroy your life in booze and pills? Anyway, Krum came into my life like a perfectly charming badass and ofcourse I have a thing for all the badass losers. Actually with him, it was more the charm of the first ever. He was the first guy who asked me out, who showed interest, who found me attractive instead of broish, so yeh we met and it was all fun and flirty and ok he had a girlfriend, a girlfriend who cut herself and would die without him, even though he wanted to leave her oh-so-bad. At that time, my gullible self, believed him and I was young, not yet a lawyer, more of an idealist and romantic, so we sort of dated, I never called it that, I wanted to wait till he and his girlfriend broke up. And ok, we had our moments when he called me and told me about his parents fighting and sought comfort in my presence but then came the disaster date. Why a disaster? Because we kissed, my first kiss and it was crap. He slobbered and I was more interested in the waiter staring at us, it was long without magic like a freaking exercise which sucked because I grew up reading romance novels and kisses were supposed to be so much better. In the words of 3oh!3, I am paraphrasing, my first kiss went a little like this, (kiss) and ekksss, (kiss) ( kiss) and eeekkssss. It wasn't until late night when the ecstasy of having a first kiss wore off that I realized the severity of the situation. I had just helped a guy cheat, no I had been an active participant in the process, the bitch that came between and it wasn't a big deal when it was platonic but now it wasn't and I felt like a fucking whore. I am not proud to admit this but I cried, like a fucking baby, well technically I am not proud to admit that I actually kissed a guy with a girlfriend, but then I have done the crime and the time so whatever. After the realization I just felt fucked up and screwed over and I know I have no right to behave like a victim, but at that time I felt like one. Anyway, even after that I still liked Krum, its not a menial task to just get over your first crush so I gave him an ultimatum, me or his girlfriend? , and maybe I didn't do that in the best way possible, I mean telling the guy that 'now that you have tried kissing and it wasn't half as bad', though it was,' you would break up and get around a bit if he didn't decide to be with you exclusively' was not one of my best laid plans. Don't judge, I plead young and stupid in my defense.

Then 2 days later, I got sick with the headache and I guess Krum was done too, cause we had an amicable break up over the phone where he choose his girlfriend and I choose to not only forgive him for using me, albeit with my consent but also consoling him for leaving me. I know, doesn't make sense to me either.

To sum it up, I moved on in a month, he asked me out again after 2 months to which I said no, with an extremely embarrassed yet happy fluster because then I didn't like him at all and he was still with his girlfriend, yes even I wonder about his audacity and his best friend who happened to be my good friend had a thing for me, but that's another story for another night.

For now I shall sleep, I have an important settlement case tomorrow and I need to win.

**Review, I know need help!****  
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